Body Language

Introduction

“When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

You’re probably familiar with this scenario: someone is saying one thing to you, while their body seems to be saying something else – and you’re left feeling confused. Do you believe the spoken words you’re hearing or the body language that you’reseeing? Global research and anecdotal evidence consistently show that the truth lies in the manner of delivery.

Not that words don’t matter. They do. But if the words and the delivery don’t match, your listeners are going to believe what they observe rather than what you’re saying.

“ Without uttering a syllable, you can convey your thoughts, feelings, and intentions through your body language. ”

While your spoken words convey information like facts and data, your body reveals other information like your attitude, intentions, and general state of being. And, while you may tell a white lie or two to save someone’s feelings, or may create total fabrications to protect your interests, don’t be surprised if your body gives the game away. For example, let’s say that a colleague is given the job that you wanted and you say “I’m happy for you”. The only problem is: your eyes are squinted, your brow is furrowed, and your fists are clenched. Your words are saying one thing while your body is saying something else. No wonder your co-worker turns away in disappointment or even worse, disgust.

However, all is not lost. By being aware of the messages your body sends out, and by practising specific gestures, postures, and expressions, you can create the impressions and convey the messages that you want to communicate. In addition, by observing and interpreting other people’s actions, you have the upper hand when it comes to understanding their mindset and responding to their behaviour.

“I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until I finally became that person.”

–Cary Grant

So, if you want to enhance your interpersonal communication, learning how to read other people’s body language and being able to control the signs and signals that your gestures, posture, and facial expressions transmit is vital. Restated: If relationships matter to you, if you want to know what people are thinking, and if you want to determine how people perceive you, learn about body language. The more conscious you are of unspoken messages, the better equipped you will be to build relationships, anticipate reactions, and adapt your behaviour according to the environment.

Learning how body language works and how you can perfect yours takes commitment. To test your level of interest, start by asking yourself the following questions:

Reading People’s Emotions

“In this respect, I suppose I’m the total opposite of Garry [Kasparov]. With his very emotive body language at the [chess] board he shows and displays all his emotions. I don’t.”

–Vladimir Kramnik

Some people wear their feelings on their sleeves and act out what they’re experiencing at the time. Others choose to suppress their moods in an effort to conceal their feelings. When you’re deciphering other people’s emotions, remember the following:

• Look for clusters.
• Read body language in context.
• Some non-verbal behaviour is culture specific.
• Observe what’s happening in the present.
• Don’t judge what you notice based on past experience.
• Treat the other person with respect.

Many body-language signals can imply negative states, such as

• boredom
• disinterest
• anxiety
• uncertainty.This can lead you to believe that the person is tired, fed up, or feeling out of their depth. And you’re probably right. That being said, before making your final interpretation, ask yourself: “What is happening that is causing the negative feelings, resulting in the negative behaviour?”
  For instance, it might be due to a disrespectful boss, work overload, fatigue, feeling excluded, hunger, illness, change, etc. While non-verbal behaviour is a sure indicator of a person’s state of mind, circumstances play a part too. Whatever you do, don’t jump to conclusions based on a single movement, gesture, or facial expression. Body language is best interpreted in clusters and in context.
  Throughout this book, you can find specific signs and signals to watch for. I’ve included a few more below, which, when taken in context, are a reliable indicator of a person’s mental state.
  Signs of negative states
  • Sweating.
  • Flushed skin.
  • Chewing on objects, including lips and fingers.
  • Jiggling feet.
  • Shallow breathing.
  • Frowning.
  • Tense lips.
  • Short, quick breaths.
  • Contracted pupils.
  Signs of positive states
  • Cool skin.
  • Open gestures.
  • Calm demeanour.
  • Genuine smiles.
  • Easy eye contact.
  • Deep breathing.
  Moods, attitudes, and emotions reveal themselves through your non-verbal behaviours. Even if you want to conceal your feelings or intentions, a twitch of your cheek, the widening – or narrowing – of your eyes, and the turn of your lips will give your game away. If you want to project a specific state of mind – let’s say, feeling calm, confident, and in control – take on the corresponding behaviours and pretend that you are what you want to be. Before you know it, not only will you have convinced others, you might even have convinced yourself.

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